When will cancer and oil change can share space on my to-do list

I get worn out thinking about cancer and cannot wait until this topic drops down on my list of things like when do I need to get my car inspected or how many more miles can I go until I need to get my oil changed. I asked my doctor how long it will take when this will happen. She said it was like anything else in life, it cannot be predicted. Great! All this breakthrough science over the last 50 to 100 years and still nothing? Ha! I guess I am expecting science to be exact, like math. Well, just because math is one of the foundation principles, biology still is a mystery. Perhaps if we get Scooby Doo and the gang on this cancer crap, they can solve the mystery. Tell me this is the answer and I will pay for all the Scooby snacks and sub sandwiches.

Ok, shake it off. Back to reality. When I broke my pinky toe a couple of years ago, I thought for sure it was going to be the last time I would be in a hospital for a long time. This brings me to an oxymoron - controlling nature. This is something that cannot be done, like having a jumbo shrimp. Shrimp was just the wrong word for this crustacean. They should have kept with the nomenclature, prawn. Shrimp just indicates small and jumbo the opposite. Why do we do this? Jumbo shrimp. Is grilled really the opposite of blackened? Isn't blackened the same and burned (beyond recognition)? The Grammarian in me is out. Tangent will be the word of the day. Thank you for following my randomness, or perhaps you got lost and went the other way. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed the ride. Come back soon, I am sure the next one will be a doozie. Who even uses this word any more? I guess this girl does. 

I love your guts!

Rambling

Over a year ago, normal for me is not as different as it is today. Chasing my kids and watching them learn new things while keeping life together. Today, I know that the next 363 more days have to be more fantastic than the last 6 months.

There are times when we have the courage of a lion and the will of a sloth. The lion in us makes us believe we can do anything our mouth says. When it comes down to action, we move like the sloth - slow, methodical and only giving minimum effort because we realize there has been a disconnect between our mouth and our brain. I am sure this has happened to none of you. I know this has happened to me many times over and sure it will happen again. However, I am on a path to remedy this in my life. When I say it, I will follow up with the action. Yes, I will need you to nudge me, slap me on the back or even put a bull horn to my ears and shout at me. I may lean on you without asking for help. 

I had an appointment with my oncologist Monday morning and the discussion was very candid. I reminded her of the one refill I had left on the lovely Tamoxifen. She asked how the Pristiq was working for me, since last month. Most days I do feel good, but there are some days where daily activities are a struggle. She explained that it takes several months - as many as 6 to "find your normal". I am working at being active every day and apparently need to do better. This was not what I was expecting to hear. I also need to take up a hobby or take an interest in something that keeps me active. Finding this will take some time. I have about 90 days, because I go back and see her in November, so I should have an answer for her. By the way, my lab work turned out normal. Great - good news, even in small doses is good.

I do not know how to act my age. I am not sure any of us do this well. Be aware that challenges set before us can be conquered, regardless of your linear age. Run with scissors. Jump down the stairs one at a time. Walk slowly and look at nature around you. Go outside and get at least 20 minutes of sunshine - regardless of how hot is is out there. Feel the grass between your toes.

I love your guts!

Pay attention

Life is good

I want so much for my kids to have greater opportunities and appreciation for life than I did when I was growing up. This is not a new concept. All the generations before me wanted the same thing. I saw my grandparents do what they could to provide better for their kids (my parents' generation) and my parents did the same for me and my brother. I took a moment to reflect on that this morning as I dropped my younger kids off with my parents today. What a treat it is for my kids to really know their grandparents and for them to know their grandchildren. My parents help "parent" my kids when we are away at work. We do our best to make life easy and open all the doors of opportunity for them. We are lucky. There are so many that want to do the same but it is not always possible. 

Today, I look a life from a different lens. I have a great family and strong network of super friends (ha, yes, like the Justice League). I worked hard to get my education, have a career and raise a family. We all take a different path to the same destination. 

This morning, my kids remind me that being right or correct all the time does not matter, as long as we all arrive at the answer together. By the way, what does the line in Jingle Bells "laughing all the way" mean? All the way where? To the next house to drop off gifts? Do you stop laughing at any point? Doesn't Santa get thirsty? Where does he stop to potty? See, life is good.

I love your guts!

It isn't always about me

Distracted. This morning I was so distracted by my packed schedule at work that I forgot to line up everything I needed for the day and missed taking my badge from my work out bag to put it in my purse. Luckily, I was able to arrive early enough at work to get a temporary sticker badge. This may sound routine for most people but for me it is a reminder that my life feels more normal today, before I knew I had cancer. 

The drugs are doing their job, I think. It is the side effects that remind you that your understanding of normal before diagnosis will never come back. My new normal has heightened my awareness of everything. I'm almost like Spiderman but not lucky enough to have been bitten by a spider but slammed against the wall with cancer. Today I reflect on the children told they have cancer and the parents that have to endure the process with them. I pray for their tiny hands and big hearts to be a fighter to make it through to be a survivor. This is not a commercial for my company, but they are doing a great deal to support the fight against childhood cancer by providing cutting edge technology to doctors and scientists to treat children and find a cure. We work every day in service of our customer and their outcomes to do and achieve more and by supporting this effort, our company has put their resources where it can make a big difference...because cancer sucks, but it is worse when cancer is in our kids.


When you see your loved ones or friends today, take a moment to let them know you love and appreciate them. A little kindness goes a long way. 


I love your guts!


P.S. Suck it, cancer!