Since last June, I have consistently worked out with a group of Divas from work. We started the commitment with a few of us being breast cancer survivors and the additional two Divas supported our journey to fight to be fit. I am the last survivor standing, along with my Diva sisters that support me. However, we all support each other and have grown to learn more about each other and meet our personal fitness goals. This morning, our trainer was out of town, but she sent us a workout for us to do. We got the hour of time in and got our sweat on in full force. These ladies have been here to support me and watch me change over the last twelve months. I am lucky to have them not judge me for not looking spunky every morning at 6:30. They are there to push me to do better and we love to laugh and question some of these "made up" exercises. Everything is in good fun.
The last fourteen months, I learned to be more aware of how much of being a survivor is living and embracing the moment and to laugh through the sweaty times.
I love your guts!
Is it raining or am I just crying too much? It feels like it's raining and I haven't begun to save for a rainy day. Right now I am all over the board. We had a fantastic weekend at the beach over Labor Day weekend. I came back rested and relaxed. Wednesday morning I went to my 6 week follow up appointment with my gynecologist. I spent 40 minutes in the waiting room, 30 more in the exam room and 20 minutes visiting with the doctor. He found that the cysts on my left ovary were the combined size of an orange. The right was so far away that he could not see much but indicated that if the cysts were large, we would be able to see them. OK, so a black and white sonogram is not enough information to determine if they have cancerous cells, but if they did have prominent cancer cells, the cysts would have white spots on them and we did not see any of those. Bottom line option - remove the entire system and jump start me into early menopause. Ug! It's like I was walking and slammed up against the sliding glass door. OK, so maybe not as painful, but close. I had almost an out of body experience when I left the office. I knew what he told me and I understood what needs to happen, but not ready to say 'let's do this.' My doctor said I can come back in 4 weeks to get him to take a look again to see if they are going to reduce in size but if they are not smaller, then we will schedule surgery. I know it is inevitable that this surgery was going to happen, but I did not expect it so soon.
On a positive note, Madison's soccer season starts this weekend. She is playing with the same group from last season. If you are in the Round Rock area and have an hour to spend out at the soccer fields, come see her play. Here is a link to her schedule. You can find directions to the fields at Voigt elementary school. She is a little more focused this season and has learned that picking the flowers or grass on the field is not allowed. However, when the game is over, she is welcome to pick the flowers and take them home. I told her this on the way home today from practice and she was proud of herself for not picking the flowers during practice. Perhaps lunch at Niki's pizza is in store as a treat for her after the game this weekend. And a trip to Goodwill to pick out a fancy vase for her flowers.
I love your guts!
I had a moment of clarity yesterday on my drive to Dallas to spend a couple of days visiting with old friends and taking a moment to reflect. My clarity is that I am where I am supposed to be and that each day I have is more important than the one before. Tomorrow is a gamble and today is a gift. Nobody cares that I left dirty dishes in the sink or a stack of dirty linens in the laundry room, etc. What matters is that I made a positive impact to those I encounter along the way. Saying hello or good morning to the janitor is just as important as saying it to your co-worker or boss. Maybe that is why I am here - not to just fight the good fight and kick cancer in the ass but to be the best me I can be every day.
If you have not been clued in so far, I like to control things. If I could control traffic and the weather, life would be grand. Maybe nature is called Mother Nature because most women like to be in control. Ha, I am sure this statement is true. [The previous statement was made under the influence of a banana, a cup of tea and a bottle of water.]
I do not look like a super model on the outside but with a sassy haircut and color, the right dress and shoes, I can feel like one. I have a lot of work to do to allow myself feel sad or crappy. Sometimes I just let it fester or get it out through a work out, swim or doing a word search puzzle. Yes, I know it could be worse but I work on self-improvement, one item at a time. Here comes my analogy...it's like shoes. We have many pairs of shoes for different occasions but can only wear one pair at a time. We are not an octopus and have the ability to wear 4 pair of shoes at once. (Analogy refers to being able to take care of one item at a time.)
I love your guts!
Crappy news all around on Thursday from my sisters in my cancer group. This morning, Kristi lost her battle with this damn disease and leaves behind a husband and 2 small children. Just now, Valerie said her follow up visit did not go well and the news she got was they think the cancer has spread to another area in her body or possibly about to invade her lymph system. I cried for each of these very strong women. And continue to cry for them and their families. Dear Lord, help them be strong during this trying time.
I am without words and not full of wisdom. Looking forward to dinner with the kids and taking them to martial arts fun event.
I love your guts!
Over a year ago, normal for me is not as different as it is today. Chasing my kids and watching them learn new things while keeping life together. Today, I know that the next 363 more days have to be more fantastic than the last 6 months.
There are times when we have the courage of a lion and the will of a sloth. The lion in us makes us believe we can do anything our mouth says. When it comes down to action, we move like the sloth - slow, methodical and only giving minimum effort because we realize there has been a disconnect between our mouth and our brain. I am sure this has happened to none of you. I know this has happened to me many times over and sure it will happen again. However, I am on a path to remedy this in my life. When I say it, I will follow up with the action. Yes, I will need you to nudge me, slap me on the back or even put a bull horn to my ears and shout at me. I may lean on you without asking for help.
I had an appointment with my oncologist Monday morning and the discussion was very candid. I reminded her of the one refill I had left on the lovely Tamoxifen. She asked how the Pristiq was working for me, since last month. Most days I do feel good, but there are some days where daily activities are a struggle. She explained that it takes several months - as many as 6 to "find your normal". I am working at being active every day and apparently need to do better. This was not what I was expecting to hear. I also need to take up a hobby or take an interest in something that keeps me active. Finding this will take some time. I have about 90 days, because I go back and see her in November, so I should have an answer for her. By the way, my lab work turned out normal. Great - good news, even in small doses is good.
I do not know how to act my age. I am not sure any of us do this well. Be aware that challenges set before us can be conquered, regardless of your linear age. Run with scissors. Jump down the stairs one at a time. Walk slowly and look at nature around you. Go outside and get at least 20 minutes of sunshine - regardless of how hot is is out there. Feel the grass between your toes.
I love your guts!
