Is it raining or am I just crying too much? It feels like it's raining and I haven't begun to save for a rainy day. Right now I am all over the board. We had a fantastic weekend at the beach over Labor Day weekend. I came back rested and relaxed. Wednesday morning I went to my 6 week follow up appointment with my gynecologist. I spent 40 minutes in the waiting room, 30 more in the exam room and 20 minutes visiting with the doctor. He found that the cysts on my left ovary were the combined size of an orange. The right was so far away that he could not see much but indicated that if the cysts were large, we would be able to see them. OK, so a black and white sonogram is not enough information to determine if they have cancerous cells, but if they did have prominent cancer cells, the cysts would have white spots on them and we did not see any of those. Bottom line option - remove the entire system and jump start me into early menopause. Ug! It's like I was walking and slammed up against the sliding glass door. OK, so maybe not as painful, but close. I had almost an out of body experience when I left the office. I knew what he told me and I understood what needs to happen, but not ready to say 'let's do this.' My doctor said I can come back in 4 weeks to get him to take a look again to see if they are going to reduce in size but if they are not smaller, then we will schedule surgery. I know it is inevitable that this surgery was going to happen, but I did not expect it so soon.
On a positive note, Madison's soccer season starts this weekend. She is playing with the same group from last season. If you are in the Round Rock area and have an hour to spend out at the soccer fields, come see her play. Here is a link to her schedule. You can find directions to the fields at Voigt elementary school. She is a little more focused this season and has learned that picking the flowers or grass on the field is not allowed. However, when the game is over, she is welcome to pick the flowers and take them home. I told her this on the way home today from practice and she was proud of herself for not picking the flowers during practice. Perhaps lunch at Niki's pizza is in store as a treat for her after the game this weekend. And a trip to Goodwill to pick out a fancy vase for her flowers.
I love your guts!
I had a moment of clarity yesterday on my drive to Dallas to spend a couple of days visiting with old friends and taking a moment to reflect. My clarity is that I am where I am supposed to be and that each day I have is more important than the one before. Tomorrow is a gamble and today is a gift. Nobody cares that I left dirty dishes in the sink or a stack of dirty linens in the laundry room, etc. What matters is that I made a positive impact to those I encounter along the way. Saying hello or good morning to the janitor is just as important as saying it to your co-worker or boss. Maybe that is why I am here - not to just fight the good fight and kick cancer in the ass but to be the best me I can be every day.
If you have not been clued in so far, I like to control things. If I could control traffic and the weather, life would be grand. Maybe nature is called Mother Nature because most women like to be in control. Ha, I am sure this statement is true. [The previous statement was made under the influence of a banana, a cup of tea and a bottle of water.]
I do not look like a super model on the outside but with a sassy haircut and color, the right dress and shoes, I can feel like one. I have a lot of work to do to allow myself feel sad or crappy. Sometimes I just let it fester or get it out through a work out, swim or doing a word search puzzle. Yes, I know it could be worse but I work on self-improvement, one item at a time. Here comes my analogy...it's like shoes. We have many pairs of shoes for different occasions but can only wear one pair at a time. We are not an octopus and have the ability to wear 4 pair of shoes at once. (Analogy refers to being able to take care of one item at a time.)
I love your guts!
Crappy news all around on Thursday from my sisters in my cancer group. This morning, Kristi lost her battle with this damn disease and leaves behind a husband and 2 small children. Just now, Valerie said her follow up visit did not go well and the news she got was they think the cancer has spread to another area in her body or possibly about to invade her lymph system. I cried for each of these very strong women. And continue to cry for them and their families. Dear Lord, help them be strong during this trying time.
I am without words and not full of wisdom. Looking forward to dinner with the kids and taking them to martial arts fun event.
I love your guts!
I get worn out thinking about cancer and cannot wait until this topic drops down on my list of things like when do I need to get my car inspected or how many more miles can I go until I need to get my oil changed. I asked my doctor how long it will take when this will happen. She said it was like anything else in life, it cannot be predicted. Great! All this breakthrough science over the last 50 to 100 years and still nothing? Ha! I guess I am expecting science to be exact, like math. Well, just because math is one of the foundation principles, biology still is a mystery. Perhaps if we get Scooby Doo and the gang on this cancer crap, they can solve the mystery. Tell me this is the answer and I will pay for all the Scooby snacks and sub sandwiches.
Ok, shake it off. Back to reality. When I broke my pinky toe a couple of years ago, I thought for sure it was going to be the last time I would be in a hospital for a long time. This brings me to an oxymoron - controlling nature. This is something that cannot be done, like having a jumbo shrimp. Shrimp was just the wrong word for this crustacean. They should have kept with the nomenclature, prawn. Shrimp just indicates small and jumbo the opposite. Why do we do this? Jumbo shrimp. Is grilled really the opposite of blackened? Isn't blackened the same and burned (beyond recognition)? The Grammarian in me is out. Tangent will be the word of the day. Thank you for following my randomness, or perhaps you got lost and went the other way. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed the ride. Come back soon, I am sure the next one will be a doozie. Who even uses this word any more? I guess this girl does.
I love your guts!
Distracted. This morning I was so distracted by my packed schedule at work that I forgot to line up everything I needed for the day and missed taking my badge from my work out bag to put it in my purse. Luckily, I was able to arrive early enough at work to get a temporary sticker badge. This may sound routine for most people but for me it is a reminder that my life feels more normal today, before I knew I had cancer.
The drugs are doing their job, I think. It is the side effects that remind you that your understanding of normal before diagnosis will never come back. My new normal has heightened my awareness of everything. I'm almost like Spiderman but not lucky enough to have been bitten by a spider but slammed against the wall with cancer. Today I reflect on the children told they have cancer and the parents that have to endure the process with them. I pray for their tiny hands and big hearts to be a fighter to make it through to be a survivor. This is not a commercial for my company, but they are doing a great deal to support the fight against childhood cancer by providing cutting edge technology to doctors and scientists to treat children and find a cure. We work every day in service of our customer and their outcomes to do and achieve more and by supporting this effort, our company has put their resources where it can make a big difference...because cancer sucks, but it is worse when cancer is in our kids.
When you see your loved ones or friends today, take a moment to let them know you love and appreciate them. A little kindness goes a long way.
I love your guts!
P.S. Suck it, cancer!
Is it raining or am I just crying too much? It feels like it's raining and I haven't begun to save for a rainy day. Right now I am all over the board. We had a fantastic weekend at the beach over Labor Day weekend. I came back rested and relaxed. Wednesday morning I went to my 6 week follow up appointment with my gynecologist. I spent 40 minutes in the waiting room, 30 more in the exam room and 20 minutes visiting with the doctor. He found that the cysts on my left ovary were the combined size of an orange. The right was so far away that he could not see much but indicated that if the cysts were large, we would be able to see them. OK, so a black and white sonogram is not enough information to determine if they have cancerous cells, but if they did have prominent cancer cells, the cysts would have white spots on them and we did not see any of those. Bottom line option - remove the entire system and jump start me into early menopause. Ug! It's like I was walking and slammed up against the sliding glass door. OK, so maybe not as painful, but close. I had almost an out of body experience when I left the office. I knew what he told me and I understood what needs to happen, but not ready to say 'let's do this.' My doctor said I can come back in 4 weeks to get him to take a look again to see if they are going to reduce in size but if they are not smaller, then we will schedule surgery. I know it is inevitable that this surgery was going to happen, but I did not expect it so soon.
On a positive note, Madison's soccer season starts this weekend. She is playing with the same group from last season. If you are in the Round Rock area and have an hour to spend out at the soccer fields, come see her play. Here is a link to her schedule. You can find directions to the fields at Voigt elementary school. She is a little more focused this season and has learned that picking the flowers or grass on the field is not allowed. However, when the game is over, she is welcome to pick the flowers and take them home. I told her this on the way home today from practice and she was proud of herself for not picking the flowers during practice. Perhaps lunch at Niki's pizza is in store as a treat for her after the game this weekend. And a trip to Goodwill to pick out a fancy vase for her flowers. 
