I had a moment of clarity yesterday on my drive to Dallas to spend a couple of days visiting with old friends and taking a moment to reflect. My clarity is that I am where I am supposed to be and that each day I have is more important than the one before. Tomorrow is a gamble and today is a gift. Nobody cares that I left dirty dishes in the sink or a stack of dirty linens in the laundry room, etc. What matters is that I made a positive impact to those I encounter along the way. Saying hello or good morning to the janitor is just as important as saying it to your co-worker or boss. Maybe that is why I am here - not to just fight the good fight and kick cancer in the ass but to be the best me I can be every day.
If you have not been clued in so far, I like to control things. If I could control traffic and the weather, life would be grand. Maybe nature is called Mother Nature because most women like to be in control. Ha, I am sure this statement is true. [The previous statement was made under the influence of a banana, a cup of tea and a bottle of water.]
I do not look like a super model on the outside but with a sassy haircut and color, the right dress and shoes, I can feel like one. I have a lot of work to do to allow myself feel sad or crappy. Sometimes I just let it fester or get it out through a work out, swim or doing a word search puzzle. Yes, I know it could be worse but I work on self-improvement, one item at a time. Here comes my analogy...it's like shoes. We have many pairs of shoes for different occasions but can only wear one pair at a time. We are not an octopus and have the ability to wear 4 pair of shoes at once. (Analogy refers to being able to take care of one item at a time.)
I love your guts!
Today feels like Thursday or Friday. What is happening to my days? The last couple of nights or mornings, my eyes open at 3:30. I have an idea it might have to do with comfort, but it sends my days into a tailspin.
The only thing new for me this week is the $25 jar of cream for the burned skin. It looks like leather on a hot summer day and aches like the worst sunburn you ever had.
Tomorrow I look forward to lunch with my support group and an acupuncture appointment later in the afternoon. Rounding out my Thursday will include having my Aunt Liz come by and help out with dinner and getting the kids ready for bed time. Dad will take Madison to her last soccer practice of the season.
Jeff and Lorenzo are in class one more week - just in time to be here for me during the end of my treatment. The end is the most intense. I am ready - mentally. Let's hope my skin is up to the task to bear through the intensity.
Dear Tiny Zen penguin, please help me find my center to take on the next couple of weeks.
Item #047: Yesterday can never be changed. We can only learn from yesterday. We can plan for tomorrow, but ultimately it is only a guide for the day. Let go of yesterday and tomorrow - focus on today.
Celebrate the little victories. Here are mine for today: I didn't get a speeding ticket. I got front row parking at work (without using my temporary handicap placard). I ate lunch away from my computer. I stared down the squirrel for almost 2 minutes and then he slowly walked down the tree and went out of our yard. I sat on the stairs to admire the sunlight now shining in our house (we got a few solar tubes upstairs). What victories did you have today?
I love your guts!
