Is it raining or am I just crying too much? It feels like it's raining and I haven't begun to save for a rainy day. Right now I am all over the board. We had a fantastic weekend at the beach over Labor Day weekend. I came back rested and relaxed. Wednesday morning I went to my 6 week follow up appointment with my gynecologist. I spent 40 minutes in the waiting room, 30 more in the exam room and 20 minutes visiting with the doctor. He found that the cysts on my left ovary were the combined size of an orange. The right was so far away that he could not see much but indicated that if the cysts were large, we would be able to see them. OK, so a black and white sonogram is not enough information to determine if they have cancerous cells, but if they did have prominent cancer cells, the cysts would have white spots on them and we did not see any of those. Bottom line option - remove the entire system and jump start me into early menopause. Ug! It's like I was walking and slammed up against the sliding glass door. OK, so maybe not as painful, but close. I had almost an out of body experience when I left the office. I knew what he told me and I understood what needs to happen, but not ready to say 'let's do this.' My doctor said I can come back in 4 weeks to get him to take a look again to see if they are going to reduce in size but if they are not smaller, then we will schedule surgery. I know it is inevitable that this surgery was going to happen, but I did not expect it so soon.
On a positive note, Madison's soccer season starts this weekend. She is playing with the same group from last season. If you are in the Round Rock area and have an hour to spend out at the soccer fields, come see her play. Here is a link to her schedule. You can find directions to the fields at Voigt elementary school. She is a little more focused this season and has learned that picking the flowers or grass on the field is not allowed. However, when the game is over, she is welcome to pick the flowers and take them home. I told her this on the way home today from practice and she was proud of herself for not picking the flowers during practice. Perhaps lunch at Niki's pizza is in store as a treat for her after the game this weekend. And a trip to Goodwill to pick out a fancy vase for her flowers.
I love your guts!
Today feels like Thursday or Friday. What is happening to my days? The last couple of nights or mornings, my eyes open at 3:30. I have an idea it might have to do with comfort, but it sends my days into a tailspin.
The only thing new for me this week is the $25 jar of cream for the burned skin. It looks like leather on a hot summer day and aches like the worst sunburn you ever had.
Tomorrow I look forward to lunch with my support group and an acupuncture appointment later in the afternoon. Rounding out my Thursday will include having my Aunt Liz come by and help out with dinner and getting the kids ready for bed time. Dad will take Madison to her last soccer practice of the season.
Jeff and Lorenzo are in class one more week - just in time to be here for me during the end of my treatment. The end is the most intense. I am ready - mentally. Let's hope my skin is up to the task to bear through the intensity.
Dear Tiny Zen penguin, please help me find my center to take on the next couple of weeks.
Item #047: Yesterday can never be changed. We can only learn from yesterday. We can plan for tomorrow, but ultimately it is only a guide for the day. Let go of yesterday and tomorrow - focus on today.
Celebrate the little victories. Here are mine for today: I didn't get a speeding ticket. I got front row parking at work (without using my temporary handicap placard). I ate lunch away from my computer. I stared down the squirrel for almost 2 minutes and then he slowly walked down the tree and went out of our yard. I sat on the stairs to admire the sunlight now shining in our house (we got a few solar tubes upstairs). What victories did you have today?
I love your guts!
Thank you in advance to all that are able to help.
On Monday, Jeff will be with me. We arrive at the hospital bright an early and should be home later in the afternoon. He will spend his day in the waiting room in the front of the hospital through the doors near valet parking. If you are looking for him and want to come sit with him or bring him something to eat or drink, this is where you can find him. I will send you his mobile number if you send me a message.
We are in process of making arrangements for the kids to get to their regularly scheduled Monday destinations. My extended family will be bringing evening meals Monday - Saturday. Jeff returns to work on Tuesday. My aunt Linda will come by in the mornings to come check on me and help me. Lorenzo will be there in the middle of the day.
Thursday, March 8, Madison will not have soccer practice, so there is no need to shuttle her to practice that evening. However, I would ask that we have someone come by the house for the evening to help me out with the kids - homework and shower for bed. This is the evening that Jeff and Lorenzo are in class.
This Thursday, my friend Joyce will come by and help with dinner and hanging out with Brett while I get Madison to practice.
A huge thank you to my parents and Jeff's parents for always pitching in to keep the kids on their schedule. As some of you may know, our kids thrive on routine, especially Brett. Right now, we have only shared with Brett and Madison that I am going to get my belly button fixed at the hospital and will not feel good for a while. This isn't far from the truth, but it is easy for them to understand. As time goes by and questions come from them, we will answer them in terms they can understand. If they ask you questions, please feel free to share with them what you know. If you do not have the answer, they are OK with that response, too.
I cannot express how grateful I am for the warmth and love I feel today, so here is something for you. "People will not remember what you said or what you did. They will remember how you made them feel." (Adaptation of a quote from Maya Angelou)
I love your guts!
Is it raining or am I just crying too much? It feels like it's raining and I haven't begun to save for a rainy day. Right now I am all over the board. We had a fantastic weekend at the beach over Labor Day weekend. I came back rested and relaxed. Wednesday morning I went to my 6 week follow up appointment with my gynecologist. I spent 40 minutes in the waiting room, 30 more in the exam room and 20 minutes visiting with the doctor. He found that the cysts on my left ovary were the combined size of an orange. The right was so far away that he could not see much but indicated that if the cysts were large, we would be able to see them. OK, so a black and white sonogram is not enough information to determine if they have cancerous cells, but if they did have prominent cancer cells, the cysts would have white spots on them and we did not see any of those. Bottom line option - remove the entire system and jump start me into early menopause. Ug! It's like I was walking and slammed up against the sliding glass door. OK, so maybe not as painful, but close. I had almost an out of body experience when I left the office. I knew what he told me and I understood what needs to happen, but not ready to say 'let's do this.' My doctor said I can come back in 4 weeks to get him to take a look again to see if they are going to reduce in size but if they are not smaller, then we will schedule surgery. I know it is inevitable that this surgery was going to happen, but I did not expect it so soon.
On a positive note, Madison's soccer season starts this weekend. She is playing with the same group from last season. If you are in the Round Rock area and have an hour to spend out at the soccer fields, come see her play. Here is a link to her schedule. You can find directions to the fields at Voigt elementary school. She is a little more focused this season and has learned that picking the flowers or grass on the field is not allowed. However, when the game is over, she is welcome to pick the flowers and take them home. I told her this on the way home today from practice and she was proud of herself for not picking the flowers during practice. Perhaps lunch at Niki's pizza is in store as a treat for her after the game this weekend. And a trip to Goodwill to pick out a fancy vase for her flowers. 
