Holidays are here. Why are we in a HURRY?

Jeff holding Madison at her Christmas

party with her 1st grade class.

Christmas is less than a week away. My kids are officially out for the "Winter Break". They are stoked and ready for Santa to arrive. They have been plotting on how they are going to stay up late so they can see him come down the chimney.

This break will be nice. We will get plenty of quality family time together. The kids will play with their friends, ride bikes, share stories about their days, use their imagination and play like the day will never end. These are the memories I want them to hold close to their heart. I still remember being excited about Christmas as a little kid and see it through their eyes every year now.

Life goes fast but in the grand scheme of things, it is but a blip in our family history. When we reach a certain age, life goes faster. I hope this message reaches you and reminds you to stop and savor the moment. Whether it is eating a meal, remember to truly taste the flavors and admire the time and effort that went into the preparation. Give thanks to others for the little things. And look up into the sky and know that we are a tiny spec in this larger universe. 

Today, I am asking you to slow down and savor the moment. Lock it into your memory. Recall it for a time when you find yourself exhausted. Put perspective into your life and you will reflect what you want to attract.

Item #1212 Hug tightly to those that mean something to you. Smile at strangers to encourage them to smile back. Be good. Do good.

I love your guts!

9/11

Growing up, I never knew anything about how devastating it was to lose a beloved leader, JFK. I did not know the tension of Vietnam war or first hand experience of Civil Rights movement. People older than me impacted by these named events told me that in my lifetime I would never know anything that would rock me to my core like these events. I felt lucky that I did not and would know of these events from those who witness or experienced them first hand. 

Fast forward from the mid-eighties to Tuesday morning, September 11, 2001. I had an early morning doctor appointment downtown Austin to do lab work at my gynecologist's office. My husband had taken our son to elementary school that morning and took off to work. I was coming out of the lab into the waiting room and heard some of the ladies behind the desk rustling around with nervousness. I did not know what they heard on the radio. I walked out and got into my car to drive to the office, thirty minutes away. I always had my radio on and had the volume down that morning. I usually listened to music but there was no music. I heard DJs talking and thought to myself, 'Be quiet and play music'. When I turned it up, the DJ said they had breaking news. First thing that came to mind was a traffic jam or terrible wreck. Little did I know that they were about to tell me news that was utterly unbelievable. Simply stated was all they know is that a plane hit a building in New York City. I heard the nervousness in their voice and it was weird. The closer I got to the office, the more they began to describe what they knew and saw on cable television. When they said this at first, all I thought was that a commuter plane lost sense of direction because of visibility, because all I knew about downtown NYC is that it was near the water. Since it was an early September morning, I had rationalized what happened and not sure why this would be breaking news. I was a few exits away from work and they said, "America is under attack. A commercial airplane was flown into the World Trade Center." Hearing this statement burned into my mind and my heart sank. I immediately got my phone and called my husband to know if he heard the same thing. When I got through to him, he said yes. I trembled and was terrified to hear this news and did not know what I should do knowing this information. He said, go to the office and stay there. I immediately thought about the safety of our son. Again, my husband assured me that he was safe at school. 

Finally, I pulled into the office parking lot and immediately asked people if they heard the news. Nobody knew what I was talking about. We went on the Internet and found NO NEWS. I kept going around asking if anyone knew this was happening. I went to my director and other leaders I knew in the office. They said to go to our conference room and turn on the cable television. I rallied my co-workers to gather around the television and watch the news. As we watched, everyone was paralyzed with disbelief. Then, the second plane hit the second tower. I screamed! The air left the room and we could not believe what we were seeing. I began crying and called the elementary school to check on my child. They were on lock down and said kids were going to be sent home on time. Since my child was a car rider, I wanted to go get him. Hug him and burrow in our home. I left the office. Got my child. Took him home and explained what I knew. He had always been a curious child and we had complete transparency to the truth. He wasn't as engaged and wanted to read his books. I understand that he did not get the event, but he was living through history.

Tomorrow morning, I will hold my breath and pray for those impacted by this horrific event in our country's history. I will probably do this every year until I can no longer breathe. I have done this since 2002. 

Today, I hold life, family and friends close. I am blessed every day that I wake up and my feet hit the ground. 

I love your guts.

Meditation...a goal

I am not doing well on my goal to meditate, even three minutes a day. I have to put it into my daily schedule to stop. Be silent. And listen to my heartbeat and open my mind. Even three minutes is enough, if you make time. I am so inconsistent lately and it makes me a little nuts. I am sure it makes those around me a bit nuts, too.

Today, I will begin scheduling time to meditate until it becomes part of my daily routine. Be good. Do good. Get good.

I love your guts!

Sweat. Push. Live.

Since last June, I have consistently worked out with a group of Divas from work. We started the commitment with a few of us being breast cancer survivors and the additional two Divas supported our journey to fight to be fit. I am the last survivor standing, along with my Diva sisters that support me. However, we all support each other and have grown to learn more about each other and meet our personal fitness goals. This morning, our trainer was out of town, but she sent us a workout for us to do. We got the hour of time in and got our sweat on in full force. These ladies have been here to support me and watch me change over the last twelve months. I am lucky to have them not judge me for not looking spunky every morning at 6:30. They are there to push me to do better and we love to laugh and question some of these "made up" exercises. Everything is in good fun. 

The last fourteen months, I learned to be more aware of how much of being a survivor is living and embracing the moment and to laugh through the sweaty times.

I love your guts!

Life in the fast lane

My three month check up last month went well, or so I thought. Dense tissue and pockets of cysts leads me to more appointments. Thursday I see my surgeon to get an opinion of what she recommends based on MRI results. I am optimistic even though I'm scared on the inside. I do not want to have another surgery. One should not have to endure this much, but with HIS guiding hand, I know I will be fine. Plus, I have some of the best family and friends supporting me.

Work is keeping me on my toes and my mind occupied. I am blessed to have work and be challenged every day.

Summer break is almost over and kids have had one memorable summer: Disneyworld, first time on an airplane, Brett got braces and lots of swimming. Once school begins, Madison will have her birthday and soccer season will gear up for her, too.

I am still working out six sessions a week and eating healthy. I work hard to make good food choices and laugh often. Take a look at this sign and chat among your friends about why this would be in a parking lot. Really? Seventeen miles per hour? Who drives that slow? And why seventeen? Was the number five all gone and they had extra sevens? Oh, I could go on for hours.

I love your guts!

I want to do everything

I know it has been over a month since I posted. I have been busy trying to do it all. Everything. Soaking in life's moments. Pushing through challenges and getting through to the other side. 

Where do I begin? I signed up to be an Ava Anderson consultant. Yes, like I need one more thing on my calendar. However, I am VERY passionate about sharing Ava's message to drive awareness of the toxins in our daily personal care products. Ava's statement resonates with me and drives me to talk to as many people as possible. "We do not share this message about harmful and toxic chemicals to sell products, we created the products to share the message." Ava Anderson

The kids have been at summer day camp at one of the neighborhood child care centers. Brett realizes that he's learning while on summer vacation and says he needs a real vacation. Well, they are a couple of days away from finding out that they are going on a trip of a lifetime...Disney. I can hardly contain myself as the day draws near for us to take off. Not only do I need a break from work, but I want to spend every moment enjoying their experience. 

Work is still 100mph. I am learning new things about content marketing and think being uncomfortable is OK. Sure, I would like to be comfortable and know everything, but that is when I lose interest. Glad I have the opportunity to learn and grow, professionally.

I am feeling strong. Still working out seven sessions a week. Rest days are Wednesday and Sunday. I am not sure if personal training sessions are great or just plain crazy, but they seem to be working for me. I am pushed to my limit and beyond. I am not a quitter and have to remind myself that I am luckier than most because I am mobile and flexible. I am told that I am competitive and I say, "No. I just like to win." My response is always met with a chuckle. Perspective. If yours is not so positive, then you have the power to change.

Item #808: Do something different today. Order water today, instead of your regular drink. Eat more green items (not Jolly Ranchers) in your meals today. When you change one thing for the better, you may feel good. Try it, you might just like it more than you think. 

I love your guts!

Strength from within...

We all have strength within us and the ability to make the impossible, possible. The power to choose determines whether or not if we will dig deep enough inside to see if we can achieve a goal. This morning during my work out, I had an epiphany. I can do more than I thought and the only thing holding me back was the fear of failing. Well, I am not graded or judged on how many times I can do a sit up, push up or squat. In the grand scheme of things, these are just body movements that keep me healthy and continue to fuel my strength. When I want something bad enough, I move mountains to make it happen because there is a deep desire inside of me. I know I am strong because I push to go further and smile big when I get one step closer to my goal. When I get to my goal, it is time to set another. This is a cycle in my life that I am happy to repeat. There is no bad result that comes from setting these goals. 

I am reminded of a conversation I had with my Grandmother many years ago. She said that it does not matter what others say about you. They cannot judge you. You are the one that has to be happy with your choices because you are the only one staring back at you in the mirror. When you are no longer smiling in the mirror, then you have to make a change and only you can decide what your next step. I miss her terribly.

Item #770: Decide to make one small change. This change will make a difference and you will feel better and encouraged to make another. Soon, you will see that many things are different because all of those small changes made a difference.

I love your guts!

High energy

Why do kids have so much energy? I am a believer that they store it in their feet. What? Yes. I declare that kids have all their energy in those tiny feet that tickle them to make them want to run every day and every where they go. I want that kind of energy and know I will find it soon. I get close to this when I work out. Following a workout, if I ache or if I am sore, I am reminded that my body is changing and my energy level will be a little higher. One day I will have high energy, just like my kids. 

Bottom line, I am looking at all life in a different perspective more now. Perhaps after reading this, you will too!

Item #404: Be contagious. Reflect happiness and positive vibes.

I love your guts!

Holy. Weakness.

I am Catholic. The Bible has been read to me my entire life at church. This week is one of the holiest of weeks in the Catholic religion. We prepare for the death and resurrection of Christ, I reflect back on myself to identify my weakness and how I can make changes to become a better human being. 

I made a list. (Who is shocked?)

1. Live as an example for my children and others around me.
2. Have a mantra to live by. Be good. Do good. Smile.
3. Be respectful of all living things. 
4. Stop and smell the flowers. All too often, we are on a mission to get things done to move onto the next thing. Appreciate the chaos and revel in the mysteries of nature.
5. Choose those around you wisely. They should reflect your spirit.
6. We are all destined to expire. Some have expired too soon and it makes us ache. Embrace the ache and take the good from the experience with that person.
7. Remember that some rooms at work have timers to shut off lights. Know when you are in one of those rooms and wave your arms in the air to let there be light.
8. Stand in the rain and feel it on your skin. Let your kids or pets do it with you, it's just water.
9. Smell the pizza. Do not eat the pizza. (Change out the word pizza for another food item that is not fuel for your body.)
10. Drink more water and less caffeine.
11. Hug your family and friends when you are departing.
12. Give a dollar to someone in need. You never know what kind of day they had until that moment.
13. Smile.

Item #002: Love yourself first before you can love others...and don't be a big baby!

I love your guts!

Bucket list. What freaking list?

I know many of you have bucket lists and have shared with others. I am not sure what triggered this with me but I think I can come up with one that has been floating around in my mind for quite some time. Now, I am ready to share it with others. Congratulations, you are now entering the dark depths of my heart and mind. Buckle up. The ride is going to be a bit uneventful.

Two week trip to Italy, France and Ireland and visit a few museums and churches that I studied in Art History class. I never sold my book back. I bookmarked the specific locations and artwork I want to see, admire and photograph. [Let me take a selfie.]

Sit on the third base line at a Yankee game. Front row, of course!

Spend a long weekend in Atlanta with my old friend Carol Lane visiting and playing with all the farm animals. Ride horses and sit on the porch drinking lemonade and catching up.

Take the kids to Disneyworld for a week so they can lose their fuzzy little minds. Booked! The kids are going this summer and have NO idea. I can hardly contain myself.

Spend a week in Bora Bora or far away island in the Pacific, just soaking in the sun, watching the sunrise and sunset. Getting back in tune with myself and realize how small I really am, compared to the entire universe.

Create some art to go on display at a local gallery. Invite a small group of friends to the show.

See Elton John in concert, one more time.

Do 10 push-ups correctly, without stopping.

Run a mile under 9.5 minutes.

See James Franco on/off Broadway performance. It would be cool if I could meet him, too.

Write a short story and have it published.

Item #550: When we compete to be excellent, we are really competing with ourselves.


I love your guts!

Good news!

The news I got today from my oncologist was so great that I felt like I was walking on a cloud. Yup. The cheesy statement you read was brought to you by great news. 

The genetic test I had back in January came back negative!
My liver enzyme levels are going down!
My blood counts look very healthy!
Negative results from pathology from my surgery a couple of weeks ago!

Could I use more exclamation points in this entry? Yes, of course!

I am feeling so lucky and grateful. My doctor said that this was a great visit and to go have a good time at Disney this summer. These next twelve weeks are going to be great. Livin' every day like it will never come again.

Item #001: Smile.

I love your guts!

Follow me on Twitter @iamnikkideleon

Of course there is another item to address...

March 2014

*sigh* 

Yes, there is another item to address. Two years ago I had my lumpectomy and node removal surgery. Here I am after 24+ months, five surgeries and many pounds lighter, there is an obvious elephant still in the room. Loose clothes? Nope. Great complexion? Nope, but thank you. Jacked attitude? Sometimes.

I have an uneven silhouette and will be sporting a jog bra for a while. Sure, it is not too evident in the photo, but it is uneven...trust me. I am terrified to get a swim suit because I do not know if I will fill it sufficiently. Most likely I will wear a sports bra and board shorts at the beach this year.

This has been nagging at me for a few months. Some would say that I am lucky and look great. I know that looking and feeling is different for everyone. I am grateful that this journey is saving my life and bringing me closer to myself so I can learn to continually walk with grace. While creating this post, I reflect on the days that I fall short with those close to me that I love (family and friends). 

Before I take any action, of course I am going to wait to get the genetic test results that we have been waiting for since January, and the pathology reports from my surgery last week. I just need to put it out there that this has been nagging at me. I pray for the day when I have more focus on pedestrian items like grocery lists, soccer schedules and if my work out clothes are clean for my next work out. 

Item #484: There is goodness in every event. Be aware and open to seeing the goodness today. Embrace and share it with others, even if you just smile.

I love your guts!

Cysts from hell are gone

Holy crap! The doctor said the cysts on my ovary were as big as my uterus. The photos were, as usual, amazing.  I cried a bit to know that these foreign objects were making a home inside me.

Being still so I can heal is very difficult.  I am going a bit stir crazy and ready for Monday.

I have been occupying my time with random posts on social media.

#440: Plant something that attracts bees. They need our help.

I love your guts!

Tears of madness, sadness or fear?

One day, I could be a song writer (also known as modern day poet). In the past couple of weeks, I have been brought to tears at the oddest times. In the shower, in the car and sometimes just sitting at my computer. There is so much going on in my head that maybe I am on overload. I know it is good for the soul to cry, but I prefer to sweat.

Last week, during spring break, I spent most of the days at SXSW. I worked the Dell Venue and then had the opportunity to check out the rest of the activities. I had a great time and soaked in time with my friends. While there, I did not have time to think about cancer, crying or anything else. Times like this are precious and the best part of living. #JustKeepLivin'

I am scheduled to have surgery tomorrow morning, March 20, to remove the space invading tumors of negativity. I hang on the words uttered by my doctor that at first glance that they do not appear to be cancerous but we will know for sure after pathology has worked their "magic". I take a few moments during the day to breathe deeply and be still. The stillness helps me connect with my inner soul and hold tight to positive thoughts. I declare that I will win this round. So far, Nikki 3 and cancer 0. I expect after the pathology results, I will be 4-0.

Item #848 Crappy news is never fair. Be a winner and turn your frown upside down and choose to have a positive outlook.

I love your guts!

Zen

When I was leaving the gym this morning, I felt great! Soaked in sweat. Messy hair. And basked in the Glory of the sunshine, despite the fact the temperature was below freezing. 

This is not a temporary thing for me because I want to lose something.

This is a lifestyle change because I found something that I want to hold onto and never let go. 

Find your something and make it a habit. #NeverQuit 

#294 Finding balance is not like a scavenger hunt, it is something you commit to in your life. We make time for what we need, then what we want. Why not make time for what feeds our soul. 

Tennis ball. Golf ball.

I went to see my gynecologist to get an assessment on what is going on with my right (remaining) ovary. I was not too excited when I saw the screen and felt the pressure of the sonogram. I saw a large dark spot. And then another. Good grief. When my doctor measured them, he indicated that one was the size of a golf ball and the other the size of a tennis ball. (gulp) This is not the news I was expecting. Despite all the good I had been doing with diet and exercise, my organs were hosting cysts. (sarcasm)

The question you are asking yourself, now that your jaw has shut after dropping on the floor, is now what is going to happen. This is a bit complicated. Since I have moderately elevated liver enzymes, I need to meet with my GI doctor to share the news that I need surgery and if there are any concerns on his part. If he gives the all clear, I call to schedule my surgery to remove my ovary and uterus. This is all a bit overwhelming, but I try not to think about it right now. I have way too much to think about to keep me busy.

Item #540: Fill your cup with love and gratitude. 

I love your guts!

Measure. Work. Repeat.

I am very happy that Jeff bought me a new Fitbit for Valentine's Day. He was a bit mysterious about telling me what he got and really pulled off a good one. The box was wrapped with a sweet note. I was excited to get started, especially with my workouts. 

Pushing myself to go a little more will help me reach my goal of a smaller pant size. I have not purchased new pants since before Christmas and I am glad it was only a couple of pair. Those are already loose and require a belt. 

Find what makes you happy. If you believe it and dream it, you can make anything happen.

I love your guts!

Strawberry. Banana.

Let me explain. I am working out five times a week and feeling Grrrreat! Bananas are on the menu for me every day of the week. Last week, I saw these strawberries and had to get them. Then, little did I know, there are exercises named strawberry and banana. I thought Jeff was making this up, but apparently this is an exercise we do at cardio kickboxing class. We did this exercise on Saturday morning and it was not as bad as I thought...until we had to go faster. Ha! 

What does this mean? Nothing really. I want to share with you the simple things that make me smile and feel good. Knowing that I am full of life every day and can work through the tough exercises, I know I am doing something great for my body to keep me here a little bit longer. And I will continue to do them every day.

This morning, I was able to share with my workout friends, A.K.A. Divas, the pigeon yoga pose. The pose helps me open up my hips and give them a good stretch. I am a little more limber than most, but I find that sharing good things with others is what this life is all about.

Item # 944: Put your mobile devices down and walk away from technology for five minutes. Look at the beauty around you, soak it in and know that you will not have another day like today. We are here for a brief moment in time, so make it count!

I love your guts!

I am feeling proud today...

I woke up today with purpose and feel great after a one hour cardio boot camp work out with my Diva friends. For some reason, today I am especially grateful for my freedom and lucky to be an American. This is one classification I do not mind. I am an American. Say it out loud. Do you feel pride? If you are missing the point, think back to the Statue of Liberty. The following statement makes me think most of us have forgotten how our country was born and grew up. "Give me your tired, your poor/Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."

I am taking in all the sunshine, fresh air and gifts of freedom that I have been afforded by those that came before me. Today I feel like I am waking up from a long winter sleep. Our weather has treated us like we truly have cold weather in Texas. For many years, I have never worn a coat, gloves and hat so much in one season. 

I am also grateful for my health. I am still waiting on genetic test results, which will not be ready until early April. Instead of wallowing in the world of "what if", I am living every day to the fullest, like it will be the last one I get. Too often, we say we live life this way, but I think I am truly seeing how to do this...finally.

Item #414: Smile at four people today. Sing in your car so loud the car next to you can hear. Stand in the sunshine for four minutes and enjoy the way it feels on your face. 

I love your guts!

HNY...a little late

Happy 2014! I know this is a little late. The last couple of months I have been a bit busy living life. Kids growing, learning how to be better humans, doing good deeds and working. 

Today, it was icy out just in time for rush hour traffic and the school delayed opening AFTER I dropped the kids at school. Then announced they were going to be closed when I got out of my physical therapy appointment. Luckily, I had no urgent meetings to attend this morning, so I carefully made it to the school to check them out and take them home. 

Now that we are all safe, warm and playing games, I am the only one that still has to work. Between conference calls I am working on this post, so this one will take me more time than normal.

Health update: January mammogram was all clear...YAY! I need to make an appointment to see my GI doctor for a three month follow up. I met with my oncologist a couple of weeks ago and she said I need to get serious about scheduling surgery to remove my ovary and uterus. Begrudgingly I agreed and will connect with my GYN to get this booked (maybe for late February). And then, I was told to continue my work out schedule of 240 minutes of exercise per week. The minimum for me is 130, but I know to make a big difference in my health, I need to keep gradually increasing the minutes. Oh, and the physical therapy that I am doing is for acute lymphedema on the left arm. I am experiencing tightness and slight swelling on an intermittent basis. The therapy is helping, along with consistent exercise and lots of water.

Christmas Eve 2013

Spring: I expect to continue to have a full schedule of things to do through the Spring time. Both kids are still in martial arts. Brett has been doing black belt training for a while now and Madison just started her black belt training this week (yesterday). She is excited to be in black belt classes. Both kids will also be playing soccer. The season opens on March 1 and will go through the beginning of May. Lastly, Madison is singing with kids in the church choir and she LOVES it a lot. Her debut of singing with choir was on Christmas Eve early evening mass. We enjoy hearing her and she loves to sing and dress up. FYI, she will be singing at the 11am mass on Sunday, February 2 and then again on March 2. Join us at St. John Vianney in Round Rock.

When I find it hard to muster up the fuel and fire inside me to keep going forward, I focus on things I can do and control instead of the things I cannot. For instance, I focus on the fact that I am able to exercise and walk without pain.

Today, I challenge you to delight and surprise someone, with a phone call, an email or a hug.

I love your guts!