I have a new number

Last week, I got rechecked to see if the elevated glucose level at my doctor visit earlier this month was accurate or a quirky reading because I had cereal for breakfast. Well, my fasting level indicates that I am in the pre-diabetic zone. Recommendations from the doctor were to continue to exercise or do a little more and watch what I eat. Good grief. OK, so right now there is little to no red meat in my diet. I eat as much organic food as possible. My green leafy intake has increased and it still is not enough. Now, I am on a mission. In 6 months, she will recheck me again to see if I am still in the zone. I will work hard to put this off as long as possible, so I have some goals to set and will be careful with the rewards, like a Round Rock donut or a piece of pie. I know I can do this and will make every effort to come back in with a number less than 100.

One more thing to think about...since I have a predisposition to get diabetes, I will eat more like a diabetic. My doctor and I talked about this and she said the best way not to become one is to eat like one. I may not like the advice, but I think it will give me more years of good quality of life, so guess what? I will follow her directions. I will eat to defeat this disease. One whammie at a time. I kicked cancer's ass, I think diabetes will go the way of the Do-Do after staring me in the face.

I love your guts!

Finding my Zen

I had a moment of clarity yesterday on my drive to Dallas to spend a couple of days visiting with old friends and taking a moment to reflect. My clarity is that I am where I am supposed to be and that each day I have is more important than the one before. Tomorrow is a gamble and today is a gift. Nobody cares that I left dirty dishes in the sink or a stack of dirty linens in the laundry room, etc. What matters is that I made a positive impact to those I encounter along the way. Saying hello or good morning to the janitor is just as important as saying it to your co-worker or boss. Maybe that is why I am here - not to just fight the good fight and kick cancer in the ass but to be the best me I can be every day. 

If you have not been clued in so far, I like to control things. If I could control traffic and the weather, life would be grand. Maybe nature is called Mother Nature because most women like to be in control. Ha, I am sure this statement is true. [The previous statement was made under the influence of a banana, a cup of tea and a bottle of water.]

I do not look like a super model on the outside but with a sassy haircut and color, the right dress and shoes, I can feel like one. I have a lot of work to do to allow myself feel sad or crappy. Sometimes I just let it fester or get it out through a work out, swim or doing a word search puzzle. Yes, I know it could be worse but I work on self-improvement, one item at a time. Here comes my analogy...it's like shoes. We have many pairs of shoes for different occasions but can only wear one pair at a time. We are not an octopus and have the ability to wear 4 pair of shoes at once. (Analogy refers to being able to take care of one item at a time.)

I love your guts!

Shut the front door!

Crappy news all around on Thursday from my sisters in my cancer group. This morning, Kristi lost her battle with this damn disease and leaves behind a husband and 2 small children. Just now, Valerie said her follow up visit did not go well and the news she got was they think the cancer has spread to another area in her body or possibly about to invade her lymph system. I cried for each of these very strong women. And continue to cry for them and their families. Dear Lord, help them be strong during this trying time.

I am without words and not full of wisdom. Looking forward to dinner with the kids and taking them to martial arts fun event.

I love your guts!

Elevated blood sugar, really?

Good grief. What did I eat that made my glucose level shoot to 160 at 10:30 am on Monday? Oh yeah, I had rice squares and milk for breakfast, instead of a protein and carb. Milk = very bad. We do not drink milk in our home but on a rare occasion, we have 1/2 gallon. If we are lucky, we get through it by the expiration date. I had been on a cereal fast for the better part of the year, but I missed my plain rice cereal, Cheerios and flakes (non-sugar coated). 

I am doing my best to keep disease at bay and diabetes is one I do not want to contend with now. However, I will do it and be maniacal about it too. I exercise very regularly. We eat as organic as possible. And my vice is tea (unsweetened and cold). Plus, I drink a good volume of water. Ask those who see me regularly - tea and water. No carbonation for me, thank you.

<sigh>

Lord, I hear you. I am thankful for my oncologist sharing my lab work with my primary care physician and for their diligence to contact me. I will go see her to get my glucose checked next week and pray that it comes back normal. I will do what I can to pass this test. The excessive blood glucose image makes me think of having a dusty home. I guess my insides are a bit dusty. Time to get the Swiffer out and clean. Let's do this!

I love your guts!

I love fresh peppers

This morning I made one of my go-to breakfast plates - a couple of eggs and heated up a tortilla and tossed a fresh green pepper on my plate. I make sure to eat a few fresh peppers a week because the grower I buy from has great, organic veggies. While I was eating, I noticed the heat was more intense after a couple of bites. I realized that the seeds were packed in the pepper closer to the bottom, so I opened it up and pulled out most of the seeds. I did not pay too much attention that I had some of the residual oils on my fingertips and removed a piece of tortilla from my mouth and my lips felt like they were on FIRE. Oh boy...this was intense. After running back and forth to the freezer and getting a cool cloth to sooth the fire, I was fine. I proceeded to finish my breakfast. Despite the fire, I was fueled for the day. 

Before returning to work (home office), I put in a load of laundry...because I am so efficient. Ha! Just as I was finished pushing buttons (programming) my washer, a piece of lint flew across my face and landed near my eye. Like any normal reaction, I removed the lint and my fingertips brushed against the corner of my eye. Again, I had the pepper oils on my fingers. DOH! I felt like someone pepper sprayed me in one eye. Goodness. Could I be more of a clutz? Well, yes is the answer. Going around the corner from the laundry room to the bathroom, I hit the wall with my shoulder and could not turn on the light. Good news is that I was able to make cold water come out of the sink so I could first wash my hands and then rinse my eyeball that was on FIRE. If these events are any indication of how my day will go, perhaps I should stay put and wrap myself in pillows or just go back to bed.

Please Lord, make the rest of my day better.

I love your guts!

When will cancer and oil change can share space on my to-do list

I get worn out thinking about cancer and cannot wait until this topic drops down on my list of things like when do I need to get my car inspected or how many more miles can I go until I need to get my oil changed. I asked my doctor how long it will take when this will happen. She said it was like anything else in life, it cannot be predicted. Great! All this breakthrough science over the last 50 to 100 years and still nothing? Ha! I guess I am expecting science to be exact, like math. Well, just because math is one of the foundation principles, biology still is a mystery. Perhaps if we get Scooby Doo and the gang on this cancer crap, they can solve the mystery. Tell me this is the answer and I will pay for all the Scooby snacks and sub sandwiches.

Ok, shake it off. Back to reality. When I broke my pinky toe a couple of years ago, I thought for sure it was going to be the last time I would be in a hospital for a long time. This brings me to an oxymoron - controlling nature. This is something that cannot be done, like having a jumbo shrimp. Shrimp was just the wrong word for this crustacean. They should have kept with the nomenclature, prawn. Shrimp just indicates small and jumbo the opposite. Why do we do this? Jumbo shrimp. Is grilled really the opposite of blackened? Isn't blackened the same and burned (beyond recognition)? The Grammarian in me is out. Tangent will be the word of the day. Thank you for following my randomness, or perhaps you got lost and went the other way. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed the ride. Come back soon, I am sure the next one will be a doozie. Who even uses this word any more? I guess this girl does. 

I love your guts!

Rambling

Over a year ago, normal for me is not as different as it is today. Chasing my kids and watching them learn new things while keeping life together. Today, I know that the next 363 more days have to be more fantastic than the last 6 months.

There are times when we have the courage of a lion and the will of a sloth. The lion in us makes us believe we can do anything our mouth says. When it comes down to action, we move like the sloth - slow, methodical and only giving minimum effort because we realize there has been a disconnect between our mouth and our brain. I am sure this has happened to none of you. I know this has happened to me many times over and sure it will happen again. However, I am on a path to remedy this in my life. When I say it, I will follow up with the action. Yes, I will need you to nudge me, slap me on the back or even put a bull horn to my ears and shout at me. I may lean on you without asking for help. 

I had an appointment with my oncologist Monday morning and the discussion was very candid. I reminded her of the one refill I had left on the lovely Tamoxifen. She asked how the Pristiq was working for me, since last month. Most days I do feel good, but there are some days where daily activities are a struggle. She explained that it takes several months - as many as 6 to "find your normal". I am working at being active every day and apparently need to do better. This was not what I was expecting to hear. I also need to take up a hobby or take an interest in something that keeps me active. Finding this will take some time. I have about 90 days, because I go back and see her in November, so I should have an answer for her. By the way, my lab work turned out normal. Great - good news, even in small doses is good.

I do not know how to act my age. I am not sure any of us do this well. Be aware that challenges set before us can be conquered, regardless of your linear age. Run with scissors. Jump down the stairs one at a time. Walk slowly and look at nature around you. Go outside and get at least 20 minutes of sunshine - regardless of how hot is is out there. Feel the grass between your toes.

I love your guts!

Pay attention

Life is good

I want so much for my kids to have greater opportunities and appreciation for life than I did when I was growing up. This is not a new concept. All the generations before me wanted the same thing. I saw my grandparents do what they could to provide better for their kids (my parents' generation) and my parents did the same for me and my brother. I took a moment to reflect on that this morning as I dropped my younger kids off with my parents today. What a treat it is for my kids to really know their grandparents and for them to know their grandchildren. My parents help "parent" my kids when we are away at work. We do our best to make life easy and open all the doors of opportunity for them. We are lucky. There are so many that want to do the same but it is not always possible. 

Today, I look a life from a different lens. I have a great family and strong network of super friends (ha, yes, like the Justice League). I worked hard to get my education, have a career and raise a family. We all take a different path to the same destination. 

This morning, my kids remind me that being right or correct all the time does not matter, as long as we all arrive at the answer together. By the way, what does the line in Jingle Bells "laughing all the way" mean? All the way where? To the next house to drop off gifts? Do you stop laughing at any point? Doesn't Santa get thirsty? Where does he stop to potty? See, life is good.

I love your guts!

Purpose

My work day has been focused on a lot of little tasks that have collected for a week. Several minutes ago, I stopped to chat with my former executive director for a few minutes about my project. About 10 minutes passed and she came by my desk with a couple of card with inspirational sayings on one side and a bible verse on the other. They were fitting and I wanted to share them with you.

"This is truly who you are. A woman chosen. A woman set apart. A woman appointed. God has made you you and has placed you here. On purpose." This one resonates with me because I find myself asking 'why' almost all the time. I should stop and read this card to remind myself of the answer.

"Your God can be trusted to grant you the supply you need to excel at His purpose. So if you don't have it --- whatever it is---it's because you don't need it. You may want is, but it's not necessary in order to accomplish what He knows is most important for your life today." Wow. This one hits me right in the gut. He does supply what I need and gives me what I can handle and so often I am reaching for more. Perhaps it has been in my basket all along.

Others are brought into our lives to help us on our journey. Each and every one of you have helped me through mine. Especially during this rocky road (nope, not the ice cream). Thank you. Maybe I could pay you back in sand dollars - HA! If you read the previous post, this one-liner would be funny. I am laughing out loud.

I love your guts!

Fear

The F-word

This 4-letter f-word is something that I try to squash because when you give into it, you give it power over you. I cannot live in fear of what might happen or happen again. I would not be human if I was without an ounce of this in me. My controlling personality clashes with this emotion and I have to be aware enough to recognize when it is creeping into my daily life. You have my permission to do what it takes to snap me out of it if I am using the f-word, either in conversation or through my actions.

Anticipation

I have not been to see my hair stylist since before Christmas. I think instinctively my hair has been growing at a snails pace on purpose - probably because of the f-word. This Saturday afternoon, I will spend about 3 hours getting my hair highlighted and trimmed. I am OVERDUE...kind of like returning books to the library. I am not going to get it cut short, just a little off the ends. I appreciate the positive words of encouragement and understanding from her. Going in will be an awesome treat.

I will end on a funny note. Last week when we were at the beach with the kids, Madison and I were picking up sea shells. We inspected all the shells we picked up and were happy to find fractions of a shell. My hands got full pretty fast. Soon, I was lucky enough to find a sea shell in tact. I showed Madison and told her that I found a sand dollar. She was so excited and said, "Wow, a real sand dollar? When can we spend it? Are there sand quarters?" The lady passing by laughed and I couldn't help it either. I laughed and told her no, that it is not money, it is a sea shell. The explanation was in vain because she did not understand the concept. She came to me a while later with the tiny clam shells and said, "Here. I found some sand pennies. Put these with the sand dollar." Again, I burst into laughter. What a great day shell shopping on the beach. Best day ever! 

I think we will steal a weekend soon to make a trip back. I still have the parking sticker and do not care where we lay our head. Maybe Madison will bring a big bucket so we can get some more sand "money". Ha!

I love your guts!

Monday or moody-day?

Adjustments

We all contribute in a positive way to the world. Some of us just don't see it as clear as others. Take a moment to adjust the way we look at today. Monday. This word makes most people cringe. Think about those that are looking forward to this day of the week. It means so many positive things to many. Here is my list: the first day of school, the first day at a job, the first day of retirement, a birthday, the landing of space vehicle on another planet, the day you get your braces off, the last day of your old job, the last work day before you go on a vacation - even if you are staying home, and another day you get to try to be a better you.

I am slow to change my habits and admit that I would like to stay in my comfort zone. Over time, I learned that staying in my "zone" prevents me from reaching my potential. I realize how much I would never have accomplished or experienced if I was constantly in my "zone". 

Challenge

Today, I challenge you to find one thing you could do different and make a small change. Here is an example to get you started: Instead of drinking a carbonated beverage, have a glass of water or some tea. Try it once a day for a week and see if you feel any different. This is a healthy change that could make a huge difference. OK...here is another non-food related. Make a mantra. Mine recently has been, "let it go". I cannot take anything with me but the data between my ears and the recordings my eyes have captured. You don't have to tell anyone and it can change over time. 

Nope, I am not Oprah or Deepak, Ghandi or the Pope. My words are not new (they are American-English --- HA!). I just have some perspective based on my less than 40 years of experience. Have a great week and I promise to be more diligent about posting. 

I love your guts!