Of course there is another item to address...

March 2014

*sigh* 

Yes, there is another item to address. Two years ago I had my lumpectomy and node removal surgery. Here I am after 24+ months, five surgeries and many pounds lighter, there is an obvious elephant still in the room. Loose clothes? Nope. Great complexion? Nope, but thank you. Jacked attitude? Sometimes.

I have an uneven silhouette and will be sporting a jog bra for a while. Sure, it is not too evident in the photo, but it is uneven...trust me. I am terrified to get a swim suit because I do not know if I will fill it sufficiently. Most likely I will wear a sports bra and board shorts at the beach this year.

This has been nagging at me for a few months. Some would say that I am lucky and look great. I know that looking and feeling is different for everyone. I am grateful that this journey is saving my life and bringing me closer to myself so I can learn to continually walk with grace. While creating this post, I reflect on the days that I fall short with those close to me that I love (family and friends). 

Before I take any action, of course I am going to wait to get the genetic test results that we have been waiting for since January, and the pathology reports from my surgery last week. I just need to put it out there that this has been nagging at me. I pray for the day when I have more focus on pedestrian items like grocery lists, soccer schedules and if my work out clothes are clean for my next work out. 

Item #484: There is goodness in every event. Be aware and open to seeing the goodness today. Embrace and share it with others, even if you just smile.

I love your guts!

Cysts from hell are gone

Holy crap! The doctor said the cysts on my ovary were as big as my uterus. The photos were, as usual, amazing.  I cried a bit to know that these foreign objects were making a home inside me.

Being still so I can heal is very difficult.  I am going a bit stir crazy and ready for Monday.

I have been occupying my time with random posts on social media.

#440: Plant something that attracts bees. They need our help.

I love your guts!

Tears of madness, sadness or fear?

One day, I could be a song writer (also known as modern day poet). In the past couple of weeks, I have been brought to tears at the oddest times. In the shower, in the car and sometimes just sitting at my computer. There is so much going on in my head that maybe I am on overload. I know it is good for the soul to cry, but I prefer to sweat.

Last week, during spring break, I spent most of the days at SXSW. I worked the Dell Venue and then had the opportunity to check out the rest of the activities. I had a great time and soaked in time with my friends. While there, I did not have time to think about cancer, crying or anything else. Times like this are precious and the best part of living. #JustKeepLivin'

I am scheduled to have surgery tomorrow morning, March 20, to remove the space invading tumors of negativity. I hang on the words uttered by my doctor that at first glance that they do not appear to be cancerous but we will know for sure after pathology has worked their "magic". I take a few moments during the day to breathe deeply and be still. The stillness helps me connect with my inner soul and hold tight to positive thoughts. I declare that I will win this round. So far, Nikki 3 and cancer 0. I expect after the pathology results, I will be 4-0.

Item #848 Crappy news is never fair. Be a winner and turn your frown upside down and choose to have a positive outlook.

I love your guts!

Zen

When I was leaving the gym this morning, I felt great! Soaked in sweat. Messy hair. And basked in the Glory of the sunshine, despite the fact the temperature was below freezing. 

This is not a temporary thing for me because I want to lose something.

This is a lifestyle change because I found something that I want to hold onto and never let go. 

Find your something and make it a habit. #NeverQuit 

#294 Finding balance is not like a scavenger hunt, it is something you commit to in your life. We make time for what we need, then what we want. Why not make time for what feeds our soul.